The Old Train Trick
by REDskies
Summary: Poland has the ultimate plan to get Canada to notice his undying love for Ukraine! It involves train tracks, ropes, and a very sceptical Lithuania. Kinkmeme request. Canada/Ukraine inside.


**Title:** The Old Train Trick  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** Crack. It seriously can be nothing else.  
**Characters/Pairings:** Lithuania, Poland, Ukraine, Canada (omake shows Prussia and Sealand) | CanadaxUkraine  
**Summary:** Poland has the ultimate plan to get Canada to notice his undying love for Ukraine! It involves train tracks, ropes, and a very sceptical Lithuania.  
**Notes:** Fill from the kinkmeme, the request was for_ a moustache-twirling Snidely Whiplash-type ties Ukraine to some train tracks. Canada in full mounty garb comes running to her rescue, yelling "I'LL SAVE YOU". The only other stipulation is that it CANNOT be a dream sequence!_

--

"N-No! Poland, please untie me, I-I've changed my mind about this and I'll go with anything else you say just not thi-"

"_Pft_, Ukraine, we've already agreed that this was like, the best option we had, right? So just go with it! And not to mention that this fabulous fedora totally needs a showcase," Poland smirked, adjusting his hat as he looked over his shoulder. "Right, Liet?"

Lithuania continued to pretend that he couldn't hear a thing, while flipping another page of his book. The only reason he was here was to assure Ukraine's safety, after all.

_Yeah, and having her tied to rusty old train tracks in the middle of nowhere is absolutely safe._

"LIEEEET. It's like, totally scorching out here! Toss me my parasol!"

Grunting in assent, the sitting Nation tossed Poland his frilled pink parasol which he insisted on bringing.

_"I mean, there's like, absolutely no shade where we're going, unless you sit under a tree or something, away from the tracks. And the villain totally_ has to _stand next to the damsel in distress--"_

Lithuania could feel a headache coming on.

"But Poland-- Wait-- Okay, repeat yourself. I caught none of that just now, because what I heard was that you were planning on taking Ukraine to the middle of nowhere and tying her to real train tracks which still have real trains _on them, and have you even _thought _of what Russia would do to us if he found out?!"_

Grinning, Poland leaned over and flicked his friend on the nose.

"Russia will never know, silly. I mean, he might _find out when Ukraine comes back all happy and junk, after being kissed silly by Canada and all, but yeah--"_

"W-What? What does Canada have to do with all of this?"

"Well, you'll just have to come along to see then, right?" Poland sang, pulling the doors of his wardrobe open. "Now, you totally have to help me pick out a suit which can bring out my figure and _make me look totally evil."_

Definitely a headache coming on.

--

A few more moments passed with Poland adjusting his very mafia-esque suit and twirling his fake handle-bar moustache, and Ukraine fidgeting uncomfortably on the tracks, with her hands tied behind her, midsection and legs bound neatly onto the tracks. God knows where Poland learned that.

"... Poland, are you _sure_ Canada is going to come?"

"Like, duh," Poland frowned at Lithuania, sitting in the distance, somewhat miffed that his best friend would question his "absolutely fabulous plan". "And if he can't even be bothered to show up to like, save your ass, he totally isn't worth it, sweetheart," he added, looking back over at a very uncomfortable Ukraine.

"But P-Poland," sniffled Ukraine (_Oh shit she's crying now, if Russia turns up..._), "I just wanted to know how to get Canada to n-notice me and-"

"He _has_ noticed you! But with this, he'll notice his _undying love and affection_ for you too," Poland grinned, adjusting a complex bow he somehow managed to tie with the rope.

A rumble could be heard in the background. All three of them looked up, to see a clear, cloudless blue sky.

"Oh shit," Lithuania was the first to catch on. "The train's coming."

"W-What? Poland! You said that the tracks weren't in use!"

"I said it wasn't in use _for most of the day_. But that's alright, we'll just cut you loose and tie it again later~ LIEEEET. Penknife, now."

"It's in your left pocket," Lithuania shouted, over the steadily rising sound of the train.

"No, it's in the bag!"

"We didn't _bring_ a bag--"

Ukraine, Poland and Lithuania shared a look.

"SHIT."

--

"I can't _believe_ you forgot to bring the penknife! AND THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO UNTIE THE KNOT YOU TIED," Lithuania shouted, pulling at the rope.

"Well I thought Canada would be here by now! And the knot looked easier to untie than it actually is!" Poland yelled back, casting the tunnel behind them a glance to make sure the train wasn't _right __there_, because from the sound of it, it sure was close.

"You didn't even need to tie such a realistic knot! It was just to make her look the part, instead of to actually tie her down onto the tracks--"

An audible gasp could somehow be heard over the noises the train was making, as everyone looked eastward to where Canada was saddled, atop a horse, in full Mountie gear, gold buttons glinting, brown hat atop head, which came to an overall look of...

A very angry Canadian.

"I'LL SAVE YOU, DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!"

Canada spurred the horse on towards the odd trio who was left speechless at his presence (Ukraine because she could not believe that he actually _came_, Lithuania due to what he was wearing, and Poland explained himself with a "Dude, who actually says that in real life?"), somehow managing to hoist Ukraine out of the ropes ("POLAND, WHAT? YOU DIDN'T TIE HER TIGHT?") and neatly depositing her in his lap, all in one smooth move.

He then proceeded to kiss her senseless.

Poland thumped Lithuania on the back, smirking. "Like, told you it would work."

(They didn't even realise that the train never came, or that it's noises had been neatly faded down.)

--

**Omake!**

Inside the tunnel, Sealand high-fived Prussia. "Hey, Jerk England was wrong. You really are awesome!"

Grinning, Prussia ruffled his new sidekick's hair. "Of course I am," he leaned over to the side to pick up the large speakers they had hooked up to his iPod.

"Now lets go bother that brother of yours."

--

**A/N:**  
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN-- It's 2am, and I just could _not_ unsee this whole thing. Thank you to the anon who mentioned Poland, because it like, totally helped 8D


End file.
